i lost passion to write today.

i see no point.

most of things i’ve said,
had been said before.

besides, i doubt anyone
gives a shit.

it’s really starting to feel like
i’m merely jerking-off.

but, i’ll continue,
no matter what.

if you want something to read, check out Julia’s post:

Day 10 by Julia Oscarson

“There is something inside of me
that will never give up,
painting no matter what.
I know if I keep painting
it will take me somewhere.”

good long-detail-comments too.

till then.

(i finished these pages while i was semi-drunk,
thanks to friends who tried to sway me away.

-chinyew

and here’s part 2 of the video.

besides the ‘job mundane’ reason,
it was also because of my failed relationship
that inspired me to take up the 30dayartist
challenge.

downfalls are one of the many ingredients
to reach enlightenment.

take every downfalls as opportunities for a new reborn.

when i met-up Sean for a brief guide to blogging
at 30dayartist.com,
he did mention a similar downfall.

Day 9 by Sean Lean

“Still not happy with this,
but felt that I needed
to post something.”

in Malaysia we have one saying,

“Die-die also must do.”

it means;
no matter what the reason, the task has to be accomplished.

like the classic saying,
“the show must go on.”

in 30dayartist we manifest that idea.

sean had some empty days and
less than 40 works accomplished,
but yet, for a character like his,
of even to consider to take up this task,
for me, it was a more than enough of a miracle.

if you look through his post,
you can tell how much struggle he
had to force himself everytime to click on
the “publish” button to show
the world his ‘unfinished’ work.

sean is a perfectionist when
it comes to his artwork.

like many artist,
only they themselves could see
the little flaws in their work.
but for the eyes of others
their work seems perfectly fine enough.

” ‘fine enough’?!?!? i bloody want a @#%@^% masterpiece!”

that’s the artist’s ego.

artist’s ego can’t be all that bad.

when we learn how to control it,
it can be put into good use.

the early generation self-help books advise us,
“diminish ego and be One with the universe.”

yet another new age book says,
“maybe God give us ego for a reason.”

learn to control it,
and you’ll be one ‘with’ the universe
and simultaneously,
be ‘the’ One of the universe.

i’ve said too much already.

in tradition of Sean’s “Details are overrated” post,
(26 comments man!) i’ll try to keep mine short to
see whether i’ll generate that much interest,

i’ll leave you with today’s work.
and like sean, i’m still not very happy with it,
is it my artist’s ego talking?
you be the judge:

till then.

-chinyew

Valerie Butters is an established artist from Canada.
her works are mostly filled with lovely flowers.
she had a great start.
on her day-7, she was already working on day-8,
“I am ahead of myself…lol)”
but sadly, she only made it to day-12
due to death(s) in her family.

anyhow, i’m certain her entire run
would have been a very memorable one,
like a journey into a garden of flowers.

you can check out her beautiful paintings at
her website.

Day 8 by Valerie Butters.

“Drawing has been something
I have promised myself
time and time again to integrate
into my process as a routine.
Why not start now?”

drawing is something…well, how should i put it.. :
like playing the classic Nintendo’s Mario Bros.
back in those days, we had limited game cartridges,
because they were so expensive and we would play
the same game over and over again,
even though when we had finished passing all the levels.

“mastering it to perfection.”

and do i need to remind you that back in those days,
there wasn’t any SAVE feature for 80s video game console.
we lose, we start the entire game again.

so, can you imagine how many times
i’ve played Mario Bros Level 1?
(i bet i still can!)
i’m sure many people out there also shares
this similar fond memories.

anyway,
the more you play, the better you get.
you’ll know when to sprint, when to jump.
which brick to knock down.
which secret path to take.
and which pipe to go in.

by the 100th time,
you’ll probably be more familiar of
that particular level than your own room.

you’ll be flying.

similar to drawing
or any other technical skills.
the more you practice, the better you get.

practice makes perfect.

in 30dayartist,
every artist that signed up,
holds the same mentality
of committing themselves
into a routine of
everyday “practicing”.
shaping it. molding it.
over and over again.
30-days. non-stop.

every artist carries the same hope
of reaching perfection of their craft.

the perfection of finding
that harmonious tune,
syncing themselves and their work,
into one.

they want it, because they know that
they themselves ‘need’ it.

and probably by the end of the day-30 (100th times),

they’ll be flying already.

(just like Neo)

’nuff said.

and for today’s “practice”:

-chinyew

ah, crap. another mistake in the video.
Thaneeya’s run was on March,
not April as stated on the video.

sorry.

i spend the entire day reading through Thaneeya’s run.
her run is filled with step-to-step guide to
her works. very instructional. very in-depth.
her day-12 is my favorite.
i also found alot of good quotes.
so many that i had to fight not to use
them all, or i might end up using
most of them for my entire fav 30 day quotes.

Day 7 by Thaneeya McArdle

“There will never be enough time,
to manifest all the ideas I have in my head,
but I guess endless inspiration is a blessing.”

now, that’s a positive quote.

for some artist, it’s a struggle.

never having enough time to generate/execute
the ideas in our head.
it’s always,

“that will wait.
i’ll work on this one first.”

and then,

“shit, what was that idea again?”

and like many other brilliant ideas
that you once had and due to
lack of time to execute them,
lost forever into thin air.

inspiration comes anytime, anywhere.
and sometimes non, and no where.
stuck. writer’s block.
some don’t believe in writer’s block.
i simply believe it as a chimney hole got
stuck. or the water supply pipe got clog-up
with crap.(negative force)

there are many ways to clear this blockage.
(i’ll share some on other post)

but the point here is,
cherish every inspiration given to you.
you’ll never know when your next blockage is.

people get distress by an unanswered prayer.
i believe it happens vise-versa for a disregarded blessing.

one friend told me once,
he happens to be involved in
a production shoot with Oliver Stone.
(not certain of the authenticity of the story)
he described Mr Stone to me,
almost like a crazy-lunatic,
who pees anywhere-anytime.
random mumbling words.
some of the production team had trouble
understanding him and his mood swings.
after a couple of days working for Mr Stone,
my friend finally took up the courage to ask him
questions like any fanboy would ask.

“Mr Stone, how and where you got
those ideas for your movies?”

Mr Stone looks at him with a blunt face
and mumbled out, “i write when i was young.”

my friend ends the story with a stale joke,

“i think he must be stoned. get it? stoned!”

he laughed out loud and expecting me to do the same.
for him, he felt Oliver Stone gave him
a random delusional answer.

but for me, despise the authenticity or how stoned he was,
i think i understand what he meant.

write them down.

put them on paper.

no matter what.

before it’s too late.

especially when your mind are still young, fresh
and passionate about things around you.

write.

you’ll never know, as your mind aged,
things around you starts to feel the same and dull,
you’ll loss the excitement and passion for life,
like many people are these days.

imagine, who would better describe the scene
of going to the circus:

a 6-year old kid who has never been to a circus?

or

a veteran-columnist?

of course the columnist would describe the scene
with the usage of proper words and structured
sentences to draw the perfect experience into your head,
rather than the kid would;
“..jumpeenn..elep-hants..clowns…
many-many clowns…dancing..singing..
BOOM!BOOM!BOOM!..sweet-cotton candee
..oh-and the tigers..tigers..roaarr!”
but the kid’s the one with more
excitement and passion.

the virgin mind.

what makes a writer good?

research. information of experiences.

you can get that anywhere.

but wouldn’t it be better if the research are from
your own personal experience?

wouldn’t your writing be more passionate then?

2 benefits:

good writing.

and

good recalling of happy childhood memories

especially when you are a worn-out in life
veteran writer.

i dig-up my old journals dating way back
when i was 12. (pages were falling out)

it was filled with broken unstructured sentences, bad spelling.
even had trouble reading those scattered handwritings.

as i enjoy reading through them,
i recalled fond memories. stupid actions.
naive emotions.

i could swear in a short fragments of moment,
i was suddenly back in time.
the smell. the ambiance. the feelings.
i was that kid again.
and i was surprised to read mistakes
that was still reflecting me now.
like a pattern i still subconsciously clinging on.

i learned something,

from reading my immature self.

(probably in the future, i’ll learn something
from reading this.)

usually the first time for the virgins are painful.
it is only with that painful-experience
that helps them to enjoy it the second time.
and then the third, and et cetera, et cetera.

sex that is.

Thaneeya quoted on her Day 2;

“Sometimes things don’t work out
the way you would like,
when you would like.
And that’s okay.”

don’t you wish that you had written those beautiful
experience when you first went out fishing with your dad
who is no longer around?
reading them back, could remind you of
your dad’s legacy and it would inspire you
to be a good father yourself.

time is too fast.
and our memory capacity is too small.

write them now.

and be thankful of the experiences that
has been shined upon you.

getting a journal is like getting
an external harddisk for our brain.
i recomend a

moleskine.

“the realiable-branded external hardisk for our memories.”

(how i wish had written my 12-year old journal on them
instead of the falling pages of my cheap scrapbook)

i think i’ve reached my point.

now, onto today’s work:

(believe it or not, this page was so painful
to make. i was so close of givin up and
crushing it into pieces.)

Day 5 by Julia Oscarson

“Nobody is my boss but me,
Nobody is going to paint but me,
This is my job.”

i remember reading Julia’s run.
nearly every post she has written,
has atleast one well said quote of
brilliant coaching words to help
any struggling artist to be confidence
with themselves.

do you suffer at work?
do you feel like been pushed around.

stand up.

if you don’t help yourself, no one will.

choose what you want best.
take charge of your life.

work is too much of a burden to be
unhappy about.

for my first two run, i quit my job
because the job i had, went sore.
mundane. overworked.
i was been abused and felt that i was
goin nowhere.

and everytime i get back here;
30dayartist,
i feel all charged-up again,
and ready to face the world even stronger.

and year by year, i feel the growth.

this year, i did not quit my job,
because i found the best job.
a boss who doesn’t bosses you around.
a career that i feel everyday is gradually growing.

trust yourself.

know what you want best.

have faith.

like the old saying,

“when there’s a will, there’s a way.”

today, i’ve finished the 20 scene breakdown
for my day job. ready to be presented tomorrow.

not sure how long i can hold up
to this juggling of my day job and
doin the graphic novel.

but i do feel good everytime i
finishes a scene. really good.

i’ve never felt such satisfactory since…

sex?

well-anyway,

till then.

-chinyew

i made a mistake.
i’ve got the artwork right,
but the quote wrong.

the quote supposed to be on
Day 5 of Anne Kullaf’s run.

but anyhow, i think Anne made a very good quote.

“I don’t believe my way is the only way to do it.
Only that it is the way that works best for me.”

at first, there was only a BANG.

nobody is right. nobody is wrong.
there is no originality in all things.
there is no fairness in all things.
there is not actual fact of all things.
nothing is standard.
nothing is equal.
nothing is right.
nothing is wrong.

only there is, is yr perception.

you are the only controller of yr experience.

you make the call.

and partly being an artist is to realize
this balance of thought.

acceptance of others.

and yours.

i’m not making sense again.

it’s dawn already.

need to sleep.

-chinyew

Day 3 by Perng Fey

“Today is a very confusing day for me,
because I have to think,
which I normally not used to.”

in 30dayartist, we encourage artists to
think. Yet, not in a conscious way.

the unconscious thinking will soon turn
into a natural instinct.
you’ll know what to do.
and what to paint.

example:
take a brush. dip it with a light
tone of black. move yr brush
to the canvas. you’ll feel uncomfortable
at first of not sure of what to paint.

don’t be afraid. just paint.
let the stroke take over you.

soon the image-idea will emerge itself.

this is where the thinking starts;

the random strokes are fragments of
imagery of your subconscious mind.
a sort of your brainwave patterns transmitting
into a visionary form onto yr canvases.

yr job is to figure out this wave form-pattern
(your brush strokes) of what they mean.
or what they are.

you might learn a little more about yrself.

becoming a 30dayartist, pressures you to this state.

first couple of days, you’ll probably know what to paint.
hardly any brain juice is required.
but after a couple more, you’ll be stuck with nothing.
blank.

then you’ll require to think harder.

think. think. think.

to think when you’re not able to think.

i’m not even sure am i making sense myself.

probably is the overwork and of finishing
this 2 scenes.

it’s 8:30am now. i’ve been working
on the 2 scene and this post since
12am.

i’m not making sense anymore. tired.
sleepy.

till tomorrow.

xxxxx

didn’t sleep very well last night.

imagine waking up, knowing that
i can’t take my own sweet time
to wait for inspiration to come,
have an easy lunch,
watch cable tv,
small chat with my mom,
steaming hot dinner,
tv again,
then later in the evening, paint.
plan my post.
then post.

instead, i had to rush for a meeting
at work.

when it rain, it pours.

i was given another task at my day job.
to do a 20 scene breakdown of a
twilight-zone-like story.

deadline; next week.

ironically, the story is somehow similar
to my current graphic novel project.

weird.

now, how do i write 2 story that doesn’t
seem to be similar to one another,
yet both is written by me.

is it possible for one not to plagiarize it’s
own work?

can it even be call plagiarism if both
work are similar, yet it’s by the same writer.

now, i have to slice my brain into two.

it’s exciting to be in the creative field.

i love my life.
can’t seem to say it enough lately.

quote of the day:

Day 2 by I-Ming

“It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon.
And in a marathon,
the trick is to rest when you can.”

good advise.
strategizing is the best way to any survival.
think with a clear head.
and plan.

i quickly took a nap as i got back from
work.

woke up at 12am. finish the 1st scene
as promised.

1 down, and 39 more to go.

phew.

-chinyew

glad to be back.
this August is gonna be a very
tired-juggling month for me.

compared to my last 2 run,
i have to balance myself doing 30dayartist
while having a day job.

(which my artist friend, i-ming has been doing very well
for his past 2 runs.) read his post here to learn how.

for me, i find it difficult.

i like doing my art; just my art.
hate juggling things. bad at juggling.

but i guess i’ve no choice now.

i’ve got this deadline on mid September
of my day job(which i equally enjoy:
editing a “Making Of” of a feature film).

and additional to that,
i’ll be going through a post-production
of my second short film which i just shot
last month. (the making of this short
is yet another amazing synchronicity story
which i’ll share with you all of the coming days.)

as for 30dayartist;

i’ll be committing myself
to finish a 40scene-graphic novel.

(in replace of 40 paintings.)

calm down.

i’m still IN the 30dayartist loop of energy;

i’m not trying to lazy/cheat here of not
painting.

(besides, i find it even more difficult of
illustrating-composing 40 scenes)

graphic novels has always been
something i’ve always wanted to do;
the flexibility of telling stories.

and 30dayartist IS about the commitment
of artist doing works that they always wanted
to do, but suppressed by many negative external
and internal elements.

in 30dayartist, i stand up and say:

“Fuck all those elements and let’s rock on with the art!”

the quota of 40 works still remains,
standing as a guideline of pushing us over to the higher state;
forcing our creative juice to flow out,
allowing the subconscious self to waken,
then a realization of our true self.

as the traditional un-planned 30dayartist way,
i’ll be allowing the story to flow+build itself.

but ofcourse, i do have the core story in my head.

so, please do forgive me if the scenes ever
come out of not making sense or linking to one another.

but i do believe in the force.

i’ll rely on the force for the quality and
i’ll worry of the quantity.

this will be a very exciting month for me.

additional to all that, if you’ve seen the video
on top,

i’ve cut a 3 part video
of “best of” quotes+arts of 30dayartist’s in
these 2 years circa.

day to day, i’ll be elaborating of the artist,
works and quotes.

Well, for day one, i’ve ’nuff said:

“The first day is the hardest. You are blank
with no idea to paint. Your strokes are doubtful”

as for today’s work,

sorry no scenes yet.

i spend 6 hours just on designing the font face
for the graphic novel,
and ofcourse typing this post.

i hope you’ll forgive me.

first day is indeed the hardest.

till then.

-chinyew