Thank you ChinYew for letting me be a part of this, this has been a awesome experience for me.  Most of it was unexpected and I feel like I learned so much.  I also am super grateful for all the feedback that really helped keep me going, also unexpected   Goodnight!

In the words of Arnold Schawrzenegger  ” I’ll be back.”

Tonight I’m a confused and emotional so I’m probably making a bigger deal out of my emotions than necessary.  But I think I working through some things  and it’s hard I don’t want face what I’m feeling , I want to give into fear,  I want to give into self consciousness.   I want to say I’m not good at drawing pack up my bags and move on, this isn’t for me I can paint flowers and make things that look pretty for the rest of my life.  But  that’s not all of me and that’s only a small portion of the art I need to make .  I love comfort and I loathe comfort.  Art is the one thing that challenges me that I can’t back down from, nor that I can coast along doing.  It can be so excruciating difficult and yet  you can completely loose yourself in the freedom of it.  I enjoy being around other artist’s a lot, but it gets draining keeping that negative voice at bay,  fighting w/ yourself is mentally exhausting.  So it was cool to connect with other artist’s and I can’t stand my drawings from today,  but I’m getting over it and counting them towards the grand total cause I got quite a few more to go this week.

 This week has been a little busier than I thought it would be. Yikes!  I have a lot to do next week,  but I’m  learning more  about how I need to balance my time.  And that’s a very, very good thing for me.  I finally think I’m able to see what drains my energy and drains my creative energy pretty clearly.  I’m feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment which is again a good thing usually I go from A( low stress) to Z (completely utterly overwhelmed) not aware of any in between.  And all the things that were busy this week were all things I needed,  like getting together with girlfriends which I got to do twice this week yahoooo,   school conferences,  a music concert with for my five year old   all things to be thankful for.  It’s strange my whole life I’ve been running around having such issues with time management, being disorganized, really going through life in these total chaotic cycles.  And since I’ve been making my own time being creative (art) a constant priority in the last year I just see things more and more clearly.  I see myself more and more clearly,  I’m chasing after who I am less and less,  these cycle’s are more letting go and accepting  within me.  Which don’t get me wrong can still be extremly difficult and I can do a good job of making things difficult for myself,  but I’m starting to like where I am and that’s a strange and wonderful place to be.  Although I must say that does make me uneasy to write so,  baby steps and starting are plenty enough on that.

So I am off to do some drawing at a Art gallery that as open studio times with live models on Sundays, I hope to have some drawings to post later today today or tomorrow .

I am now really enjoying this and I feel like I’m learning so much.  I have to admit I’m a little worried I’ll forget that I can create this much art, have time for family, have time for myself and get a little bit of the have to’s done every day.  I can just be me every day I do not have to be what I think I should be and I’m seeing that through changing my priorities, good art making habits.  I’ve never been so disicplned and enjoyed it wierd and I’m 35 kinda ridiculous.     And I’m really enjoying just drawing and painting from my imagination, no pressure be what ever it wants to be. Good,  bad, ugly it doesn’t matter.  I think since I’m a self taught artist I can be pretty hard on myself for not having any formal training and of course trusting yourself is a huge process too.

I think these drawings and paintings are a subconsious visual diary of sorts.   So I did two today and worked on some other paintings.  One of these is called Golden Boy and the other one who knows, the pineapple is a symbol of hospitality though.:)

I’m interested in/ obsessed with the word project or projection.   Anyways  I’m definitely in a groove now, but I gotta clean my house.  Too bad it didn’t clean itself

I decided this one is a queen, an ancient one too    So I think I’m gonna concentrate on drawing the rest of this month,  it is  more freeing for one thing, a lot of fun and pretty scary.  Which is good cause then it’s getting me to grow which is what this is all about right?  Yep, right.  The scary part is I get self conscious about my drawings, but when I was a child I wasn’t  self conscious, when I was a teenager I certainly wasn’t either.  So I’m gonna choose to learn to get comfortable in my own drawing skin and not be afraid.  I continually seem to have hurdles I need to jump over in life,  I guess if we didn’t  life would be pretty boring.

So I decided just to do a drawing of whatever it was fun,  I’m gonna do another one tonight just keep it  fun.  And I decided this drawing is of Miss March and she’s telling me all sorts of stuff about harmony and chaos.  I am trying my hardest to listen and learn.