ahh.. the sweet smell of paint.
the grips of the brushes.
the smooth strokes onto the well-primed canvas.

i started off early. 4am.
slept at 8am. woke up at 2pm. continued.

the first day are the hardest.
you are blank with no idea to paint.
your strokes are doubtful.

the survival of the first day,
is also the happiest.
a confirmation to yrself that you
are still able to do it.

how could anyone not paint?
in the last few hours i felt relief.
a sense of "letting go".
i recall the meditation-like-feeling
when you paint.

and with deeper concentration,
you could actually time travel.

6pm. time to post.

-chinyew

2nd day are the easiest.
an assure feelin of yesterday
that guarantees you today.

the best part of painting is,
seeing an idea comes to live
simultaneously.

i completely have no idea to
paint. except a theme in my mind,
which is the black and white forces.

and thus, come this first painting today:


satisfied, i painted the second one:



where ideas come from?
sometimes i feel its from the forces.
and sometimes i think its from our inner feelings,
which we have suppresses for too long.

its only healthy to let it all flow out.
and somehow, the big white flat empty canvases
sort of tempts you of doin it.
you could actually feel yr emotions momentarily
flows out as you slowly move yr brush of the
sticky-gluey paint onto the canvas surfaces.

life is good when you are an artist.
its only when the bills come, the romanticism dies.

my, its only the 2nd day, and i've already started
talkin negatively. (hint of tomorrow's work)

sigh.

-chinyew

i checkup my last year's total hits.
3000+

how the fuck am i goin to beat that
this year?
almost seem impossible. eventhough
all the marketing effort i've done.
average hit perday is round 40+.
that equals to 40x30.... =
1200! that's not even half.
damn.

ahem.
hits are not important.
the art and spirit is what counts.

anyway,
met 2 friends today to discuss some
project. they have day jobs. good pay.
but not what they really want.
or let's put it this way, they simply
don't care anymore. they have commitments.
car. house. wife. kids. etc+
so, they just work. no question ask.
ambition? fuck ambition. don't even
blurp that word out infront of them.
but nice people. and talented too.

they knew what i was doin.
i was like a small joke to them.
but yet, they admire the passion.
i even encourage them to try.
and i was really surprised how hard
it is for them to even take out
1 month off of their lives.

on my way home, i suddenly realize how lucky
i am. maybe the breakup has a reason.
maybe all the fuckup jobs has a reason.
maybe all the failed attempts of relationship has a reason.
maybe, i am made to do this.
just maybe.

i heard from someone, that the economy's
gonna fall next year. all the signs are there.
the war. the petrol prices.

sigh. maybe by then, i fail
to find a job also has a reason to it.

just maybe this angel gonna save us all:

just maybe.

-chinyew


i dedicate this song to all striving artist out there:

"Save Your Day" - Jose Gonzalez

Poke the body with a stick roll it down
Ignore the moaning as it tumbles to the ground
Be brave and save your day
These days are cold
Numbers rule I've been told
The pattern is clear better fit in the mould
Be brave and save your day
To cough up sympathy isn't hard but it costs
Hold tight to your life savings
You have to do what you must
To save your day
So poke the body and roll it down
The grave looks cold but we're still young

pheww.. day 4.

that's fast.

days are good.

so many things i want to do.
i want to fix the Gundam model.
i've bought it for nearly a month now.
i want to finish reading books.
i've bought them for nearly a year now.
i want to play Metal Gear Solid 3.
i've wanted since it was released.
i want to make comics again.
i've wanted it forever.
i want to finish writing the shortfilm script.
i've wanted it forever-forever.

sigh. so many things, so little time.

and you very well know that is just an excuse.
its nature that we humans are just plain lazy.
"technology" is a good example that we are
indeed the laziest beings in the world.
even we workin hard is just so we don't have
to work so hard anymore in the future.

what's wrong with just not workin?
you don't eat, that's what.
in this real world, you don't work,
you don't eat. so work!

does painting consider work?
many disagree. many feels that its only
a hobby.

isn't it great to have your hobby as your
work? luckily for some, it is so.
now, here's the tricky part:
when you able to make your hobby as work,
will your work be as fun as your hobby was?
or will your work be as "free" as your hobby was?
"free" meaning more flexible, through yr
own personal liking, which i feel its the
more natural-beautiful work.

you get what i'm trying to say here?

ok, i'll summarize again:

work hard=better living in the future.
you'll give anything and everything in able
to have that result.

hobby=fun,pleasure,releasing stress,free expression.

work+hobby=result>hobby
or
work+hobby=result=hobby

and look, i'm not saying that work brings me down
from fixing the Gundam toy or playin video games.
all i'm saying is:

hobby makes you happier or workin makes you happier?

now, what is life about again?

hobby or workin?

surviving or living.

the last one's not a question.

but a statement.

-chinyew

today's work:

now, this is what i'm gonna do:
i'm gonna first type this post 12am sharp.
then do the painting tomorrow mornin,
and then head to my 7:30pm gig.(my band is the
one with the smallest font, heh.) and then,
only try to get back here, and then TRY
to post the picture 11.59pm sharp, ok?

try.

anyway, here goes.
this is what i've got to say:



i have 3 good friends.
(and a few more, excuse me.
these are just examples of
the similar types of friends that we all
have.)

One who i share my ideas with.
debates sometimes. agree sometimes.
we might not be agreeing on some
certain things. but we respect
each others' idea.

Two who i also share my ideas with.
debate for hours but not realizin
that in fact we are actually looking
at the same point-view, which we
ourselves don't even realized.

Three who has the criteria
of them both. (sadly, who i have
lost contact with.)

and for today's painting-theme i present you,
love.

(which the painting i've also not seen
only much later.)

here, i'll help you with the panel:

((so try really hard to imagine it,ok?))

anything?

-chinyew

p/s: bonus, i'll throw you one of my
favourite love songs:

It had to be you. - Harry Connick Jr.

It had to be you, it had to be you
I wandered around, and finally found
The somebody who
Could make me be true,
And could make me be blue
And even be glad, just to be sad
Thinking of you

Some others I've seen,
Might never be mean
Might never be cross,
Or try to be boss
But they wouldn't do
For nobody else, gave me a thrill
With all your faults, I
Love you still
It had to be you, wonderful you
It had to be you

______________________________________


so what if i'm late.
i did say 'TRY'.
like anyone cares!
judging from the lack of comments
these days.

i'm trying to focus on the work rather than
the response/hits these days.

screw the response/hits!

but do note, like i said in my old post,
we all need encouragement.

anyway, here's the painting:

and the gig went pretty alright.
eventhough i knew some of my friends
couldn't dig it. gonna write about
'how music plays a role in shaping the society.'
one of these days.

till tomorrow.

-chinyew

as i was doin this piece:

my player was playin:

Halfway through
Flight there to
Where will you go?
Falling down
On the ground
Where will you go, now?
Do you remember
What made you fall?
And does it matter
To you at all?

You wanna go, you wanna see
What lies could set you free
You wanna see, right?
You'll know this night

Halfway through
Flight there to
Where will you go?
It's a nice way, I think
To wake up with you

You cannot see them
When it is light
This is the reason
We go at night

In the darkest flight of my career
I am made blue all through
On my dark descend I persevere
I am thinking of you

Halfway through
Flight there to
Where will you go?
Falling down
On the ground
Where will you go, now?

It's a nice way, I think
To wake up with you
It's a nice way
I'm separated from you

It's a nice way, I think
To wake up with you
It's a nice way
I'm separated from you

i think music shape our life too often.
i've completely stop listening to any
sappy chinese music. not even the
radio. and only when the english station
are too dull. (they're dull most of the time anyway.
and i'm too fuckin lazy to convert my cds to
tapes. can't afford a cdplayer in my car either.
besides, car player are easily stolen these days.)

i have this habit of switchin
around station till i hear something i never
heard of. if none, i rather hear the noisy streets.

malaysia's radio station sucks.
it makes us dull. we hate the songs, but
due to the frequent playback, we somehow
got brainwashed into singin them.

we are so dull people that hardly anyone
heard of Snow Patrol. or even Mew.
and we only start diggin Killers when
everyone else in the world are already
tired of it. or maybe even when OC starts
to puke on it. don't get me started on television.
can you imagine how slow malaysian taste shaped?
we are fuckin retarded.

and what the fuck is Pussy Cat Dolls?
malaysian currently are crazy over these Doll chicks.
heard of Pussy Galore? they'll rock your pussies!

anyway, all i'm sayin is,
what music you listen to, shapes you.
and the exposure of music in Malaysia is so
fuckin slow, you don't even stand a chance
of knowing whats good and whats not.
and its not even our fault.
its the radio station!
we malaysian only stand a chance when we hit it
off to countries like Australia for studies,
and then we go,
"wahh..rave music, ah? so happenin woh.
who is this dj, ah?"

GAWD, MATE, YA NEVER FUCKIN HEARDOF DJ TIESTO?

(and there is no such thing as "rave music".)

yes, malaysia has no dance radio station.
atleast Singapore has a chill-out dance station.
i was in Johor once and i even heard them playin
Aphex Twin - come to daddy.

but thank God, internet and the xxx save some
of us.

as every average Malaysian kids, i only discover
Kurt after he died for about a year or so.
from Nirvana, i discovered Sonic Youth.
and thanks to the golden-age of internet then,
(whereby other country has already reach its silver-age)
i discovered more bands under Sonic Youth's link.

thanks to xxxx, i was able to grab hold of
a vhs movie of KIDS. the background music attracted
me. and thank god they had some copies of the soundtrack
sold here. and that album was the key of me
discoverin many more. i was saved. but still i realized
it was too slow. Slint was already a legendary band
when i discovered them. they shaped Mogwai and many
other bands. and local bands back then was still playin
grunge and hardcore. only lately malaysian underground scene
has developed a little. kids here are still playin
mogwai-like-music, when the states are already
dull with it. and they never even heard of Slint.
overall, we are a rip-off-outdated international
wannabe scene. but still, that's the least we could have.
i'm contempt. but i think it'll be even more fun to go
to a gig with music styles i never heard of.

and i'm only talkin about music here.
can you imagine of books, movies, etc?
all these element shaped us. it even help
the country to develop in a more advance
futuristic way. ofcourse music fuckin rules!
and ofcourse, music, books and all these
elements are a form of art.

and maybe you like the song that i shared today.
its by Mew. the song was released 2003. and i'm ashamed
to say that i only discover them last year. i was
away from all the arty-stuff during my 2002-2004 love circa.
and even the malaysian xxxx know that Mew are
good stuff. eventhough rarely, but with luck, you
could grab hold of their 2005 album-And the Glass Handed Kites.

you probably thinkin, you're an artist,
why are you supportin xxxx?
we don't have a fuckin choice.
one import cd probably cost round RM70-RM100.
that's like one week's fuckin meal.
who made it so expensive?
can't afford? let's just stick back to our
boring o'-Hit-the-fuckin-dull-radio stations!

we are dull and bad tasted not by our choice.
'cause we don't even fuckin know at the first place.

i wonder what stuff the states people are playin now.
probably some funky-weird-electronic-abstract-rock stuff.

don't ask me.
how the hell am i suppose to know?

i'm a malaysian after all, wut.

-chinyew

note:to be saved atleast of a teeny-bit, go buy this.

p/s: can you imagine, even my style seems
to be outdated and ugly through international eyes.
but i feel its beautiful. i guess.

(god, can't look.)

we all have powers.

power to change things around us.
power to manipulate things.
power to affect lives.

our power is so great, we have no idea.
one single word from you would
change the entire nation.

i was changed by many people.
and so are you.
we are not ourselves. not even from the
beginning. not even our fathers. mothers.
or even our ancestors.

we are nobody. yet we have this power.
to change. many things. you. me.
we. they. all.

our feelings are not our own.
other feelings shaped our feelings.

the power of thought.
how "you" you think you are?
if the creator of blogs have not created blogs,
you reckon you'll still be here sitting infront of
this monitor reading this post?
or you'll be doin something else.
but what?

in every miliseconds, everyone is affecting everyone
elses life. and you are affecting mine.
and i'm affecting yours.

we'll see how this affects you:



ironically, today is the Ghost Festival for
the chinese.

-chinyew