good day.
and the painting for today is:

and:

finally, to my ramblings:

had a drink with 2 ex classmates last nite.
haven't kept in touch with them for years.
most of them went overseas to continue their
degree after our courses. i was one of the few
who couldn't afford to spend more money on
animation courses.

like most of us, we tried to stay in animation.
but due to how fuckup malaysia animation industry
is, our career got nowhere. either it was too low pay
or there isn't enough jobs for us.
government gives animation company crazy short-dateline
to finish seasons of animation series.
result, bad quality animation, stupid storyline,
and low pay to the animators. and the fuckin problem
here is, people don't even look highly on animation.
we don't even bother to watch our own local made animation
because its just so stupidlly bad. it makes us stupid.
its makin the local kids stupid. and nobody cares.
and nobody smart enough to even care or even know
whats goin on.
does anyone know the importance of animation?
it shaped how we adults think.
think about it!

and most of the time the gxxxent would only fund
projects that has "malaysian" element in them.

most of us turn to other stuff. fashion. motion graphics.
3d. graphic design. some i reckon not even in this
industry anymore. probably selling insurances.

we all loved 2d animation back then.
our courses cost our parents RM40K.
3 years, and we learn kiddy stuff from
books that cost less than RM100 which
our lecturer were solely basing on.
and we had to put up with it cause
we have nowhere else to go because
we have already wasted the first 2 years
on foundation. we had to finish inable
to get that pointless certificate.
come to think of it now, the paper
is fuckin useless! i only keep it
with me now to remind me of the 40k
i owed my parents.

rip-off and cruel that's what i say.
can you imagine, even our education system
here sucks. and education is one of the
keys in the development of a nation.

we stupid people trained by stupid people.

and our poor parents workin hard just
to pay these motherfuckers. and also
because of how stupid-ambitiously-childish we
were.

and most people think that i'm rich that
i could afford to do this now.
i'm not. really. my bank account has
less than RM200 now. and my fuckin ex-comxxny
account don't even bother to pay me.
i'm telling you, most companies in malaysia
are evil-asshole big bully to the poor.

and there is no market for any of i and
my ex classmates to grow.

but, we are still trying. some.

i still feel bad once inawhile thinkin
back of how much time and money i wasted
of my parents.

even now i feel what i'm doin of my life
is quite pointless. where do i get off
this dream wagon of wanting to do art?
when will i rise and wakeup from this
childish endeavors?

and i'm not even brave enough to mention
the college/company name due to some cases of the
enforcement bringin the malaysian bloggers
down who bitch too much.

sorry. please don't lockme up.
i'm just trying to sound cool.

-chinyew

was out with mom today to watch a movie.
American Haunting. its alright. not too bad.
not great. but ok. don't watch it if you don't
have the time to waste.

warning spoiler:

what i'm gonna tell you has
got to do with the painting and the movie
i just watched.

its amazing how our thoughts and feelings
can do.

i'm gonna talk about betrayal today.

how many times have you been betrayed
in yr entire life?

"betray" that's definitely gotto do
with someone who is close to you.
not just someone you know.
someone who you have such deep feelings of.
someone who you trust/love, betrays you.

you have to see the difference:
in life, someone who you are not very close
with, hurts you in a certain way,
you'll feel the pain and anger. and sometimes
you would want to have revenge on them.

but on the other hand, betrayal is such a
strong word which has gotto do with someone who
you feel dearly of, who you trust yr life with,
and who finally, hurts you
and disappoints you.

you'll feel the pain and anger.
but you cannot take revenge.
no matter how badly hurt you were,
thrown down and stepped on, you just can't.
because you still feel dearly of them.
such painful/ugly/weird agony that no
words could ever describe.
all the suppress energies.

and that could drive you mad.
and do keep note, feelins like this can never go away.
i mean, think about it. "betrayal" is a such a powerful
word compared to many other hurtful words ever in
the dictionary.

now, where all this suppress energy go?

such anger/negative energy will create
something. its proven that aura or chi exist.
and where would your angry chi/aura go?
if concentrate hard enough, it'll go somewhere.
if not, it'll stay within yr body,
and you'll rot to death. literally.

the damage is on you.

but every betrayal comes a reason/consequences.

"For every life and every act consequence of
good and evil can be shown and as in time
results of many deeds are blended so good and
evil in the end become confounded." - T. S. Eliot

"forgive" is the key word.

but how? the negative energy is so badly
contained in our body, how do we even
tell ourselves to forgive?

high technology of science has found
the cure for this suppress feelings.
an antidote-relaxant.

all sort of modern-commercial-therapies
to help you let go and forgive.

and it all leads back to the root of nature.

i present you the painting of today:

and i swear to you, i did not plan
to paint this or watch that particular
movie in any related of this post
which is within my very control.

it just came.

-chinyew

whoa-whoa.

i present first to you the
painting of today:



and i hope you like the song i put
out. its by Marsen Jules titled Datura.
check him out, enter his page, then click "about".
he just a new album out.
pretty creative stuff of how he decribe his
music.

anyway,

my last-last post about animation
nearly blew some stuff.

it actually were causing tense
around.

example, my ex lecturer actually
sent me an email.
he was pretty upset.
but i explained to him in a nice
email stating that the post wasn't
targeted on him, and that he shouldn't
take it too personally.

and my artist friend, nearly
pulled the plug. but after some safe
conversation, we were saved.

thank God.

atleast the force still want us
to go for it, eh?

anyway, on behalf of everyone who
got offended of what i say,
i apologize.

and i'll try to reach my point in
a more gentle/proper way next time.

and so, for today, i've agreed with my
artist friend that the topic for this
post will be about "payin up".

despise all hard effort and passion
you put into a work, or how efficient
and discipline you were towards the
project. if the client doesn't pay,
we go dry.

our passion/fuel goes dry.

we are artist. and we are humans too.
and we need to eat. and live.

(speakin on behalf of the entire planet's
hard-earned labor underpaid workers out
there who haven't got paid till this very
friggin day by asshole-slimy bosses.)

and i salute/respect people who buys
paintings. and i'm talkin about the authentic
art lovers here, excuse me. who could
see through passion and blood in works.
who could tell what's genuinely ugly
or plastically beauty.

and to the people who simply are just
supporting artist to survive. people
who understand the existence of life requires
artist to enlighten them. to entertain
them, in the terms of commercialism.
to tell them, the truth.

and you'll see why it is so important of
the roles we play in life.
the responsibility of voices.

move a nation.
or shamble one on a bumpy road?

i would like to thank to the people
who supported and helped us.

and cursed upon you who did not pay.

-chinyew

first, in accompany of todays'
paintings, i present you
the track Rhine and Courtesan by Rachel's.
taken from my all-time fav album,
The Sea and the Bells.





sigh, it sure feels good to be
up there doesn't it?
you have the winning side,
nothing underneath you matters anymore,
and you're just sitting comfortable
up there. lookin and laughing.

so where else would you want to go
if given the opportunity?

higher! ofcourse.

like most of us, we can never
have enough. we have this much information,
we still want more.

we want to be the best.
we want to know the truth of all things.
we want to gain this gain that.

we seek for recognization.

we want to be notice.

till when?

how much is enough?

when can we say, hmmm, i think i know enough.

we'll never be satisfy of knowing enough.
eventhough we get the answers already,
we still doubt, and we still seek for
another truth. a higher truth.

but to be given the choice,

to take the path of seeking,
you'll have to suffer the consequences,
either the truth turn you
into a better person or a
lunatic/evil/obsessive person.

or just live in the path where
faith plays a strong role.
just let breath, and just let die.

the choice is yours.

but make sure once you chose the path,
you'll have what it takes.

cause you'll never know.

-chinyew

(the red pill or the blue pill? heh.)

p/s: and do notice the second part of the song,
hint of the comin paintings.

what in the world?

was watchin a korean movie yesterday,
Mokpo. in the movie, the gangster's big
boss was a sentimental dude who watches
sappy korean movie. there was one scene
where he was watchin My Sassy Girl.

i quickly eject the dvd and started
diggin through my dvd collections.
after awhile, i found it.

My Sassy Girl.

touching story. superb linkage of
characters. funny. emotional.
action. you named it. its the
most entertaining movie of all-time.

i remembered so clearly the first
time i watched it.
god knows how many times i've rewatched it.
second place after Cinema Paradiso.

i literally couldn't breath when
i watched the scene where she shouts to
the guy across the mountain.
and i couldn't believe that scene could
still gives me such impact.

but the main point which i'm tryin to
state here is not about the movie.
its about our BRAIN.

i was surprised to see elements
in the movie so similar to my current work.
characters. sometimes we re-live
our lives like the characters in our
favorite movie/story/etc subconsciously.

how weird? go watch/re-watch the
movie and you'll know. not gonna
spoil it for you.

second thing, i'm gonna talk about
"falling". we need crisis.
surviving one, leads us into becoming
a stronger/smarter person. it help us
to learn.

so, we need to fall.

surviving?

well, that's entirely up to you.



-chinyew

p/s:nope, its not over yet.

i was at a restaurant yesterday.
it was pack. many tables were
waiting for their food.

and apparently they are known
to be good.

then i thought of this theory.
the theory that could make any
restaurant famous.

start a restaurant business.
get yr relatives and friends to
show up on the first day. make
them wait for the food. eventhough
it takes awhile for you to
prepare. just make them wait.

after awhile, yr restaurant gonna
look like really pack and everybody's
excitingly waiting for the food.

then serve. logically speakin,
if anyone wait for their food that long,
they bound to be really hungry rite?
and when yr hungry, whatever food you eat
gonna taste really good right?

and voila! spread the word!
make sure you keep yr customer waiting.
the trick is not to let them wait
that long, but let them wait.
let the hunger runs up to them.
the longer they wait, the tastier yr
food is.

and visually/psychologically speakin, whoever
passes by yr restaurant, probably gonna
think, "wow, so many people waitin.
the food sure taste good wan. let's go."

the magic word for today is "anticipation."

i wonder does the same trick works "here".



heh.

-chinyew

p/s:the ginger steamed fish does taste really good
though, after waiting an hour for it. heh.

-------------------------------------------------------

guess not.

look.

i know what you are thinking.
usually the simplest thing are the
hardest thing.

like this one. it might look simple
with just a couple of small guys floating
here and there, but, hey, its lot of
effort to paint every single one of
them that small. even the small guys
are at the side of the canvas too
you'll be surprised this piece took
me the longest.



luckily, i had this tiny-0
brush an old friend gave me.
its hard to find such small
tiny brush these days.



anyway, for the point of today:
"patient" is the magic word.
in every little teeny weeny thing we
do in life, we have to be patient
and wait.

wait. wait. wait.

not just simply waiting.
but have to wait in "patient".

i know, its hard. sometimes.

and it takes time to master
the art/skill of patience.
and as we all know, with the busy
crazy competitive world out there,
its pretty difficult.

but 'patiently waiting' is always
better than 'anxiously rushing'.

i think.

i myself is not a very patient
person. i think.

i'm just blurting out stuff from zen books
anyway. me ain't no zen master.
especially not, i repeat, in this crazy-f**ckin-competive-world.

i recommend this book.



very fun read.

:)

cheers to all!



#$bugger@$!%%@#%!!

-chinyew

p/s:i finally got to play Metal Gear 3.
it wasn't as great as i expected it to be.
even after "patiently" waiting for it too long.
i guess sometimes hype does dries things a little.